Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
