It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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