I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
