I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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