I wish my penis had an off switch
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
