Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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