My cat gives me a boner
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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