and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
