so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
