so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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