You can't motorboat a personality
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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