Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
