i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My feet surprised me
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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