I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ladies don't puke and tell
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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