Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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