If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
