I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
