i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
