I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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