i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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