If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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