I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
there's paper in my vomit.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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