Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
