idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
