Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
