Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
