you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
