I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
