I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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