a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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