I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
