their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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