used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
