it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
