Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
