I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
