Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
