he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
