I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
