This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My penis needs a shock collar
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
