Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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