i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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