I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
