My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
