I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
