You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
