College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
