Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
