I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
