when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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