I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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